It is New Years Eve, 2019
You could be on the road, you could be with with friends, you could at a club with people you don't know. You may be surrounded by music and laughter, the endless whine of your tires on the road, or serenaded by your husband's snores from his chair, across the room.
So why do I think on the times I escaped clear and present Death, on an evening that is meant, for all intents and purposes, to be a time when you look forward?
Some would say " You were meant for better things" or "There is something you will do that is meant to happen"
Hmmm.
Then there is the"...you were lucky as fuck, man!"
Oooookay.
Yes I can accumulate all the things I didn't do in the last year and chain them to me like Marley's chain of lock boxes, and have them shackle me into the "new year". Nope.
But the 'why am I here' thing still remains, as I am just...here. I don't see that anything I do is particularly special. I live a peaceful life in the mountains with my husband and my cats. If my friends ask for help, I offer.
But there is a yawning gap between staring down the muzzle of a shotgun from the top of a flight of stairs and it's your only way out, or feeling your best friend grab the front of your parka as you fall backwards off a ledge onto a rock covered in snow two foot down at the Grand Canyon....after which it's many of thousands of feet down--and realizing how long it has been since you've cleaned the bathroom.
Perspective is all. Happy New Year and don't beat yourself up.
You could be on the road, you could be with with friends, you could at a club with people you don't know. You may be surrounded by music and laughter, the endless whine of your tires on the road, or serenaded by your husband's snores from his chair, across the room.
So why do I think on the times I escaped clear and present Death, on an evening that is meant, for all intents and purposes, to be a time when you look forward?
Some would say " You were meant for better things" or "There is something you will do that is meant to happen"
Hmmm.
Then there is the"...you were lucky as fuck, man!"
Oooookay.
Yes I can accumulate all the things I didn't do in the last year and chain them to me like Marley's chain of lock boxes, and have them shackle me into the "new year". Nope.
But the 'why am I here' thing still remains, as I am just...here. I don't see that anything I do is particularly special. I live a peaceful life in the mountains with my husband and my cats. If my friends ask for help, I offer.
But there is a yawning gap between staring down the muzzle of a shotgun from the top of a flight of stairs and it's your only way out, or feeling your best friend grab the front of your parka as you fall backwards off a ledge onto a rock covered in snow two foot down at the Grand Canyon....after which it's many of thousands of feet down--and realizing how long it has been since you've cleaned the bathroom.
Perspective is all. Happy New Year and don't beat yourself up.
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